Quotes Lost in History

Many great men and women of our past have been immortalized as famously witty, a trend that unfortunately has only survived to mock the notoriously dense (Bushisms, mainly). However, in addition to the white and the male, history favors hyperbole; many of our quotable predecessors had their fair share of off-days, as these recently exhumed quotations suggest:

“’Jews’? I said ‘juice’. I hate juice. Fruit allergy.”

-Adolf Hitler

“By the time I had graduated from high school, I had developed four new models of loop quantum gravity, I independently rediscovered the calculus, and I translated Virgil’s The Aeneid into fourteen distinct Khoisan “click” languages. It is my own burning love of knowledge that causes me so much dismay when I read that national standardized testing scores have plummeted in nearly every school district across the country. I propose that we reevaluate our core education paradigms, and really ask ourselves, ‘Is our children learning?’ Oh, I’m sorry, did I say ‘Is’? How foolish of me. Clearly my large, powerful brain is so full of complex mathematical theorems and the like that I slipped up there for a moment. Please don’t print what I said on a billion t-shirts, that’s all I ask.”

-G. W. Bush

“Oh, hello officer. Charles Manson? Yeah, I know him. He sent me a demo tape of some of his stuff, and I really liked it. In fact, I sent him a letter saying that I had talked to a producer buddy of mine and that he wanted Charlie on the label. But I guess it got lost in the mail. Why? Is he in trouble?”

-Brian Wilson